The Greatest Game.

A couple of years ago, back when I was married to my Gamecube and before

Movies that I've Seen in 2011 So Far

Here is a list of all the films that I've seen in 2011 (at the theaters and on dvd). I'm going to try and sum up my opinion in two paragraphs or less. Just remember, this is all subjective so please don't throw any bricks through my car windshield just because we don't have the same taste in movies. Ok, here we go.

Limitless

A pretty good science-fiction flick about an average guy who abuses a new wonder drug called NZT to become a mental genius. Good pacing, and Bradley Cooper's believable in the role. Not a bad movie, but not necessarily a great one.


Source Code

A soldier wakes up to find himself in a tiny box with tv monitor. A lady on the monitor tells him that he is to undergo a simulation of a terrorism act over and over again until he is able to uncover the identity of the bomber. The movie takes a lot of elements from other, better films such as Inception, Dejavu, and Groundhog Day (Kind of) so it feels very rehashed. I wouldn't highly recommend it, but it's definitely not a poor film by any means.


X-Men: First Class

A prequel to the first three X-men films. It focuses on the friendship between mutants: Charles Xavier and Eric Lehnsherr who later become arch enemies based on their differing ideals. Eric's character (Played by Michael Fassbender who you may remember from "Inglorious Basterds") totally steals the show here, the other actors don't even hold a candle to him. I felt that the rest of the film was lacking however, the screenplay could definitely use some work and the effects look cheap.

Rango

An animated movie about a chameleon who wanders into an old west town inhabited by small wilderness creatures and he proceeds to tell them that he's a bounty hunter by the name of Rango. Rango is actually a good genre film, it takes all the standard elements of a western and spins them into something new. Definitely worth your time.

The Adjustment Bureau

A politician enters into a relationship with a lady he meets and then a group of strange men in hats tell him that serious consequences will follow if you chooses to pursue her. I like Matt Damon as the politician, I think he fits the role quite nicely. Terrance Stamp is also in the film, he doesn't have much screen time but his presence is felt. I like the premise a great deal, but I think it could have been executed better.




Thor

Thor; the Norse God of thunder, lives an idyllic life style in his home of Asgard. But then he really pisses off his dad Odin (By Odin's Raven!) and gets banished to Earth for punishment. Not much to say on this one...I mean it was fun, but it was more of a guilty pleasure. Don't count on it setting the world on fire.

Green Lantern

Ok, It wasn't nearly as bad as I expected it would be. Ryan Reynolds plays the Green Lantern, a sort of space cop who must save earth from the evil Parallax. My biggest gripe is that too much of the plot takes place on boring old earth. I thought this was suppose to be an epic space opera! Instead it felt like rehash of Richard Donner's Superman film but without the quality. It wasn't horrible, but given the source material it could have been much better...or at the very least original

Super 8

A bunch of kids making a low budget horror film witness a train accident which may or may not have something to do with aliens. The first half of this movie is amazing, I can't even begin the describe how great it was. But things start to go down during the last half and you're left with quite a few plot holes--which is typical of JJ Abrams. Also, why do we need a throwback to ET? Can't the movie just stand on it's own two feet? Oh well.

Captain America: The First Avenger

Steve Rogers is a short weakling in the mid 1940's and decides to participate in a medical procedure that turns him into a super soldier so that he can join the war effort. I was really looking forward to this film, which makes this review all the more painful. Things start out promising, but then as the plot progresses the writers quickly run out of stuff for Captain America to do. The last half of the movie just drunkenly stumbles about barely on two feet until the timer goes out. Meh.

Transformers: Dark of The Moon

The absolute worst movie that I've seen in the past two years. It's not even worth talking about. It doesn't even feel like a Transformers movie. If all it had been was giant fighting robots, then that would have at least been entertaining. But no, the movie spends way too much time with the human characters, who feel more robotic then the actual robots themselves.

Hairy Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 2

A very good film. Great in fact. The plot concerns Harry Potter and his attempts to thwart Lord Voldemort and his plans to take over the world. The acting is great, the three leads do a fine job but the villains are the ones who steal the show. Alan Rickman is fantastic as Professor Snape, and Ralph Fiennes is down right scary as Voldemort. Definitely see it, if you haven't.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes

A prequel to the 1968 science fiction film: Planet of the Apes which redefined the genre. James Franco is a scientist working on a drug being tested on (what else?) apes. The drug greatly increases brain activity and basically makes anything that consumes it a genius. Except for humans, it doesn't really work on them. The weakest part of the film is the beginning, which takes far too long to get going. But things pick up during the second act and everything ties up nicely by the end. Good film, but not as good as the first film.

Troll Hunter

Troll Hunter is a Norwegian action/horror/mockumentary movie that centers on a group of documentary filmmakers as they follow the day to day life of Hans, a professional troll hunter. This is really good film in my opinion. It's unique, entertaining, and the effects used to render the trolls is fantastic. Don't miss it.



And that's it. I think that's most of them...well I hope you enjoyed it.

Games

Videogames have ruined me when it comes to physical sports, I hate to say to it but I've spent so much time controlling a small man on a screen as he guns through enemies that I'm not much use in physically straining sports such as tennis and football.

Luckily though, badmitten is an easy sport to pick up. After a few minutes I felt like I was making some pretty good progress...Lost the match but still! Im better for it! But I digress, simply put I had fun. As long as you're in a good group bad mitten is always fun. Now whether it's as fun as "Left 4 Dead" on a friday night or "Super Smash Bros." over the weekend still remains to be seen. But Im anxious to get on the court again as soon as possible...no thanks to my abusive team mate *wink*.

Vocab Today

Greg McFok Jr. is a surprisingly ant-social person, unlike his gregarious father: Greg McFok Sr.

Tate Stevens is the most incredible liar I’ve ever seen. Only his true friends can see how completely maudlin he is…to everyone else he’s a stud.

When Black Beard walked onto the deck that mourning in his flowery underpants the whole crew felt a sudden paroxysm of laughter. They would live to regret it soon after.

In the history of famous beer tappers there is none more legendary than the story of Tim Tapperson: The limbless bar tender who poured bottles of rum with his teeth, and vodka matinees with his ears.

The infamous “Dog Man” was a social pariah in his youth, until he stared in the film: “Space Balls”.

During the halcyon period before the war, the Smurfs enjoyed many years of peace and prosperity. But then disaster struck, the evil Belgians invaded Smurftom and sacked Smurfville, crippling the Smurf-berry trade.

An aberration occurred in Mr. Smith’s average day when drunken aliens abducted him and gave him an anal probe.

The bombastic leader of the revolution: Herman F. Chevalier threatened to drink the blood of the King and defile his image. The King’s henchmen in turn, found him and hung him on a tree.

The lumberjack was chary as he traced through the woods. After hearing what happened to his brother-in-law and the incident with the witch, he was in no hurry to linger in that part of the forest.

When it came to being a “Pirate Lawyer” a certain image is expected to be upheld--and yet Long John took no heed to this and continued to show up to board meetings looking completely desultory in his jacket and jeans. Mutiny was on everyone’s mind.

On interviews, Jigsaw claims that it was his fond love for toys that inspired to create his enigmatic traps..when asked how the whole torturing people fell in with that prospective, he just shrugged and said: “Well, what else could I do with a few reverse bear traps and an old television?” Touché.

The trainer’s “Calming Darts” only exacerbated the already raging Gorilla causing him to grab another by stander from the crowd of on lookers. The next mourning he received a full refund for the defective darts--although it did not cover the collateral damage.

Mr. Green’s racism was so utterly flagrant that he literately no friends outside his pet ostrich: Argus.

The clever Alchemist imbued the gun with a special scope that allowed for better accuracy. “And now” said Oswald, “It’s time to test it out”.

The old maid kept has such meticulous upkeep that Charlie arrived home to find that not only had his socks been folded, but that they had also been perfectly organized and labeled according to color, size, age, and material. And seeing as how Charlie had a collection of over 300 different pairs socks—this feat was a miracle in and of itself.

When Mr. Fickle found that the alleged set of armor he had purchased was in fact ingénue, he grabbed a croquet mallet and smashed every display case in his mansion.

After the stock market crash Skeletor and his minions gave up trying to conquer “Castle Grey Skull” and went into selling cheap real estate to newly weds. He-Man, having nothing better to do got a job as a greeter at men’s warehouse.

The Robot night watch lacked any short of brio in their job, in fact they made it a habit to stop and chat with burglars on their way back from ransacking a house.

Mr. and Mrs. Philistine; lacking any sort of nuance in the eyes of the committee, were banished from the “Smooth Gentleman’s Club for Intelligent People”.

Recently the town sheriff had been having sudden qualms and the citizens; growing with unease, decided to elect a young new sheriff named: Buck St. Clair. It was only after the bandit attacks that they learned that he had no idea how to use a gun.

The members of the cult: “We Misseth the Sixtieth Year” try to emulate everything from the 1960’s. To even mention the 70’s is a terrible risk within the group.

The fighting was growing increasingly in the group’s favor until the battle reached it’s climatic crescendo as a group of winged demons arose from the earth and started tearing the soldiers limb from limb.

Oddly enough, the town mayor decided to construct a Criminal Insane Asylum right across from the preschool in the district—He said it would create a “Satisfying antipodes in the area”. Hmm….

Kent Brahman wasn’t thrilled to only appearing as a cameo in the commercial, considering he had written, directed, and proposed the idea he felt himself worthy of the lead role. But his associates, remembering the last time they had let Brahman play the lead, decided to ignore his request.

The Greek Gods were a little apprehensive about allowing a new member to join their group. But after many long board meetings they finally agreed to make: Joe God of mundanity, and the 13^th Olympian.

Harsh Criticism

After many nights spent up late spewing hate and disgust about James Cameron’s Avatar over Facebook I finally realized who is chiefly responsible for this awful movie’s commercial success: Film Critics.

The same critics who unjustly trashed Gentlemen Broncos, a good movie that could have been successful, poured boatloads of cash into Cameron’s pockets due to a positive review. But enough about Avatar, I’ve bagged that movie enough for one week.

Let’s talk about Film Critics.

Why is Roger Ebert’s opinion considered greater than mine just because he gets paid to do it? Are all Critics simply Norse gods in human form who know the absolute true value of every square inch of film cinema? Now, I know this may come off as Ironic from the guy who harshly criticized Rick Riordan’s books on his first entry into the blogosphere, but honestly my opinion doesn’t necessarily count for anything, that’s just my interpretation..For all I know Percy Jackson and the Sorcerer’s Stone * I mean The Olympians could be the next “War and Peace”.

But everyone perceives a Critic as Solid, Why? Why do we even count these people’s opinions?

I guess we’re a nation so full of incompetent pillocks that we need a Yea or Nay on everything we buy from Lamp Shades to underwear. Gentlemen Broncos is movie that got a sucker punch from Ebert and thus couldn’t keep its head above water. How is that fair? If Ebert had been around in the 1600s he could have caused the down fall of Hamlet if he just shook his head and booed.

I’ve learned the important lesson that other people’s opinions never reflect my own, I witnessed that first hand when I played Metal Gear Solid IV a game that I HATED with every inch of my grey matter yet everyone applauded and gave 5 stars. Now, let me just close with this: Harsh Criticism is by no means bad..In fact I applaud it. But no one should ever immediately judge something poorly just because some snarky Critic thinks so.


-Seth

Sequels

A couple of weeks ago I was on my computer reading some column by Benjamin “Yahtzee” Croshaw; a revered game critic, who brought up a good point, he said the words,

"Now I want you to imagine something with me, imagine a world where sequels are banned, would this not be a beautiful place? Sure, we’d miss out on genuinely good sequels like: Thief 2 or Half-Life 2 but I think that’s a small price to pay. Every story would be fresh so the writers would have to work extra hard to make the characters relatable, with no sequels there would be no franchises so there’d be less fandom and all the nerds will go off and become doctors and scientists and rid the world of all diseases but best of all endings would have to have some closure. Under this regime all games that end with the ambiguous to be continued BS when they don’t even have any idea if they’re going to make a sequel will be punishable by prison time. Cautions would be given for recurring themes and metaphors and remakes would receive the death penalty."

A good point he made there-- it’s no new news that the entertainment industry leans on sequels the same way a legless man would lean on two flimsy crutches. Now don’t get me wrong, there have been many great movies, books, video games etc. (i.e The Dark Knight, Speaker for the Dead, The Elder Scrolls IV) but roughly 90% of sequels are botched.

The reason being is that while many see their past work as something to live up to, it should really be considered something to augment and improve upon, if all we did was rehash old jokes and story lines without experimenting with something new then we’re pretty much just following in George Lucas’s steps aren’t we?

And another thing that people don’t understand is that due to the context some stories shouldn’t have sequels, would Hamlet be improved if he sprang back to life and went on a journey to mars? (actually that’s not bad...)

Unfortunately we live in an era where writers and producers are too lazy to make anything new and original..

As I said before though, some series benefit from a sequel, it’s a good opportunity to add more depth to the characters and the world around them.

But alas that’s hardly the case.. So for now I’m going to stick around and wait for something truly original to catch my eye..which probably won’t be for awhile.

The Summer is Hawsome!!!!

Dear Ephraim--

Tensions are starting to mount between me and our parents, but luckily I know how to smooth things over with them pretty good. Ugh... Remind me never to go to movies with dad again. We all went to see this new movie about John Dillinger the 1# Public enemy of the 1930's. More than half way through Dad got so angry that he ran out and demanded his money back, and he got a full refund. Bear in mind that dad wears tattered jeans, sports a grey goatee, and had previously popped a blood vessel in one of his eyes turning it bright red, so it makes sense that some red headed fifteen year old would be more than willing to give him his money back. Other than that aspect I rather enjoyed the movie quite well. And then we had some dinner and me Brigham, and Hyrum tried to get Zack's old toy plane to fly, We weren't successful. But I used the spare parts to build a brand new one, but we haven't tested it yet. I know what you mean, good teachers are rare. If most of my teachers were half as interesting as Brother McCombs I would gladly attend church for six hours let alone three. So get this, my buddy Josh invited me to go to the International Japanese Anime Show for a day, I had to laugh at that one... I told I would think about it, it would be kind of cool to dress up as Vegeta for a day but I gotta check my schedule. Oddly enough all of hotties go to those sort of get togethers, it's like a few Asian Mallorys times a hundred or dare I say? OVER NINE THOUSAND!!!!! So all the more reason I should go...